Confessions of the Wounded, but Living: Pt. 2

O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

Psalms 34:8 (KJV)

Twisted Vision

There is a popular myth in America regarding the big "M". "Masturbation makes one goes blind if he or she does it on a more frequent basis." I truly believe this is true. Clarification is in order: the act of masturbation in itself cannot impair the sight of a human being, but I believe the intention behind the act of masturbation, lust, does impair one's vision of reality and truth. Surely this perverted version of "self-love" impaired my vision of what it meant to be a relational being. Watching porn from the Net, then going between the sheets by myself imagining some false person is very vain activity. The climax of orgasm didn't satisfy my true desire for intimacy.

Paul by aid of the Holy Spirit knew what he meant when he advised those who were in love about the yielding to passions aflame outside of the sacred hearth of matrimony (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). The apostle declares that the body is not meant for porneia but for the Lord (6:13) so we must honor the Lord Jesus Christ with our body because we are His Body, we are bought with a price (7:23).

Wow, interesting statement. I am apart of Christ's Body. Every time I imagined some woman, whether whore or housewife, I conjured up a vain imagination and wedded my members to this woman whom the Lord did not create. I married Christ to an idol. What has Christ to do with idols? Not a thing!

I realized a few months ago that it's hard living the single life as a young uh, not so virile man. It really, really, is hard! I told myself I would be career and school focused and worry about finding that special lady later. I was kidding myself. I thought celibacy and chastity would be easy as pie. I love pie and it ain't it. Paul says that singleness is a state where the believer can mind the things the Lord (7:32). In married life one prioritizes their relationships: God, spouse, kids, friends, etc (v.33). Single people have more of an opportunity to spend more time with God working for Him in the vineyard. Well I was working for Him in college ministry and desperately seeking Susan... on the Net and in my head.

However, lust is not the source of my satisfaction. It is the problem. Author Philip Yancey in his chapter on sex in Rumors of Another World quotes a passage from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's classic work Cost of Discipleship:

"Instead of trusting to the unseen, we prefer the tangible fruits of desire... Lust is impure because it is unbelief, and therefore it is to be shunned. No sacrifice is too great if it enables us to conquer a lust which cuts us off from Jesus... When you have made your eye the instrument of impurity, you cannot see God with it."

Lord knows I want to see Him more... Something just had to go. Masturbation stopped...recently. Lust still rears its ugly head. The key in my view is never to take my eyes off of Christ. Always trusting Him to supply peace in the trial of not awakening the bloom before its time is my constant prayer for myself and anybody that's striving to live holy. Lord help us to keep them on You, 'cause for me, Susan's starting to visit again.


Pt. 3 understanding what love is....